The lowly Big Mac gets taken to the next level. Or at least gets a modification.
I'd be lying if I said I don't like Big Macs. But on the rare-ish occasion that I find myself at McDonalds, I rarely order one. In fact it's probably been 15 years since I had a Big Mac, but I remember what they taste like, fondly. The star, of course, is that Mac sauce they put on it. And the crunchy lettuce that's always overflowing into the box is no slouch in the show, either.
The flaws of the Big Mac, though, are too egregious to consider ordering one. Most notable of these flaws, that ridiculous piece of extra bread, and the tiny patties.
Out of nowhere, as I fell asleep the other night, I got a hankerin' for a Big Mac. I managed to not get out of bed and drive to the nearest McDonalds, but, I did hatch a plan for the next day. A plan that would remediate this sandwich, and make it more enjoyable and satisfying.
I was so excited about this plan that I showed up in the McDonalds parking lot at 11:15 the next morning. As I would come to learn, this is fifteen minutes before they start serving lunch. So there I sat. In my car. Waiting for the stroke of 11:30. Like a complete and utterly pathetic loser, mind you.
The plan was really pretty simple: get a Big Mac, specify "without the middle bread" (just as you might do at White Castle when ordering a double), and also get a McDouble for a buck. I think you know where I'm going with this.
Plain ol' Big Mac
The process is straight-forward:
1) Open the Mac's hood.
2) Open the McDouble's hood.
3) Take the cheese, patties, pickles, and as many onions as you can scrape off of the soggy bun of the McDouble.
4) Marry those guts with the middle bread-less Big Mac.
McDouble's guts piled on
5) Retrieve as much lettuce as possible from the little box and put it back on the new-and-improved Mac.
6) Put the hood back on the Mac.
You've now got a completely satisfying sandwich, with that Mac sauce, gooey cheese-like product, the lettuce, onions, and enough beef product to remind you that you're eating something that resembles a burger.
Tell me that doesn't look delicious
Before you get all judgmental and flame me for being a glutton, I'm pretty sure there's only about 4 ounces of beef product in this thing. And I'm not eating all of that bread, so, you know, I've got that going for me.