Wendy's: pretzel bacon cheeseburger
New Jersey: Farmers' Markets

Frito Dog: the original

I can't say for sure, but I'm relatively confident that I invented the Frito Dog.

This stroke of brilliance came to me at some point in the 80s, at Doug's Arcade in Point Pleasant, NJ, where I'd often find myself eating lunch, alone, friendless. IIRC, the "Hot dog special" at Doug's included one hot dog, deep fried, just as they should be, a bag of chips, and a soda, all for the princely sum of about $1.50. Oh, and they gave you a quarter back to play a game. I generally went for Q*bert, as I could play forever on one quarter. This was perfectly acceptable and delicious meal for an 8th grader.

At some point I decided to put some of my Fritos on the hot dog, because why the hell not. I sure as shit had nothing else going on. And it was excellent. 

I didn't know then, but once I came to learn of the existence of something called a "corn dog," I could see that this flavor combination was something that had been explored at county fairs for some time. And for good reason: it works. Really well.

Now I see that the idea of chips on sandwiches and whatnot has exploded in the mainstream, outside of the walls of Doug's. Bobby Flay puts chips on his burgers (we used to put them on baloney sandwiches). Taco Bell is doing some sort of nonsense with Doritos. Sonic has some sort of chili cheese Frito dog. But this all came well after I invented the Frito Dog.

Now that you know who invented it, let's see how to make the original Frito Dog:

Heat up the dogs (skin on only, please) in simmering water for about 5 minutes.


Throw them on a griddle or pan to give them a little char. I'm not sure why I put the aluminum foil in the pan, but it seemed to not not work. I guess I had Papaya King on the brain, where they cook the dogs on foil on the flattop.

Prepare your ghetto hot dog buns. These should be standard issue supermarket buns that look as though a mouse might have gotten to them first. And don't go getting all fancy and toasting these things. Just those nasty-ass half-cooked cold buns work very well here.


Place the dog in the bun.


At this point, you should apply the mustard. Any sort of mustard works, but I prefer a slightly spicy mustard. I really like the Nathan's branded stuff. It's got a fun bottle, and it's dirt cheap. The mustard in this application not only adds mustard flavor, but it also provide the all-important glue for the Fritos.

Now, and here's the tricky part: put some Fritos on that dog, leveraging that mustard glue for all it's worth.


There you have it. Have at it.

And if you put cheese on this, demons will come to your home at night when you are asleep and steal your children and kittens.