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The Big King: Burger King

I can't remember the last time that I liked a newly introduced fast food product. I think any interest I may have in fast food stems more from the fact that I grew up eating it (occasionally), rather than some sort of a true culinary appreciation. Kinda of like how people who grew up around Bergen County rave about The Fireplace in Paramus or White Manna in Hackensack (reality check: White Manna isn't very exceptional, and The Fireplace is just awful). So I like what I am used to: double cheeseburgers, Whoppers, Cruncy Tacos Supreme, and, well, that's about it.

Rest assured, there's nothing wrong with enjoying something, whether it's food or music or a movie or a pair of sneakers, because it reminds you of your childhood and warms your soul. Nothing wrong with that at all.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Burger King's new burger, the Big Muck King, however, does no reminding or soul warming; it's simply not good.

Big king officialOfficial Big King (courtesy Burger King/AP)

This thing is supposed to be an answer to McDonald's Big Mac. I believe it has all of that stuff that the famous song states, so you'd think it would be about as tasty. I figured it would be even tastier, what with that curious "char broiled" flavor that BK manages to get on their burgers and workers (I worked there, and that flavor permeates your Dickies). But somehow it just tastes bland and dry and soulless. I found myself craving the sweetness and acidity of ketchup. Anything, to help it along.

Big-King 5
I should note that I ordered the Big King without the middle bread. This seemed to throw off the folks at BK a wee bit. "Do you want the sauce on the top and bottom buns?" I was asked. I assume this is because that middle bun is the receiver of some of the sauce. "Yes" I quickly responded. "No" I quickly corrected, realizing that I really had no idea what the implication of my answer would be. "Wait, just put as much sauce on it as you normally would, wherever you'd like," I finally figured. Perhaps I didn't get the optimal amount of sauce, but frankly I don't think that would have changed things much.

A much better BK sandwich is the Whopper Junior with cheese. Even better is what used to be called the Bacon Double Cheeseburger Deluxe. I haven't seen that one since I was in High School. I'm not sure if you can even get it. I'll even take a standard double cheeseburger, which is a fabulous dense little package of protien and fat and ketchup, over the Big King. Or a Big Mac (without the middle bread), for that matter.